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Are you from Mars? Venus? How about Earth?
I’m sure you’ve all heard the saying “men are from Mars, women are from Venus,” and probably have thought so at some point when frustrated by the other sex. But are men and women really all that different and mysterious?
Check out a typical forwarded e-mail joke:
How to Impress a Woman:
Compliment her. Cuddle her. Kiss her. Caress her. Love her. Comfort her. Protect her. Hug her. Hold her. Spend money on her. Wine and dine her. Listen to her. Care for her. Stand by her. Support her. Go to the ends of the earth for her.
How to Impress a Man:
Show up naked. Bring beer.
It’s pretty funny, right? Even though it may seem true at times, the truth is that men and women aren’t as opposite as the stereotype makes it out to be. Jokes like the one above reinforce the stereotype that women look for affection, while men just want unemotional sex (and beer).
Of course, men and women can vary quite a bit from each other, but the differences between the average man and woman are small. Truth is, both women and men usually want their intimate partners to give them plenty of warmth and affection.
Consequences of Believing the Stereotype
Are there any consequences of wrongly buying into the stereotype that men and women are complete opposites? Research says yes. When you think of the other sex as “opposite” and having little in common with you, this inaccurate view can prevent you from trying to understand a partner’s point of view. It can also keep you from collaborative problem-solving, since you might be less likely to try and fix your heterosexual relationships when conflicts come up (and if you’ve ever been in a relationship, you know they do!). This can all lead to pessimism and hopelessness about the other sex.
The Other Sex isn’t So Strange
To save yourself from all the headache and unnecessary drama, try to stop thinking of the other sex as being so opposite from yourself – you might find it a tad bit easier to understand them. You might even find resolving conflicts and problem-solving to be simpler than you anticipated…and you will have freed yourself from a damaging stereotype that can sabotage a relationship. Even though there will be times when the stereotype fits well, I hope that by reading this, you’ll gain some insight that will benefit your relationships. Do you think this knowledge will change how you perceive the other sex?
| This is a guest post by Stacey Yan, a good friend of mine. Stacey has just completed her MSW degree (also has a BA in Psychology) and is currently enjoying her off time hiking around the various trails of Southern California. |
Photo by dfrangi
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Stacey, Thanks for your post!
I think that overall, man and women have a lot more similarities than differences. Unfortunately, society reinforces the differences and accentuates them, creating gender stereotypes which have negative consequences. Why can’t we all be from planet Earth?
Ideas With A Kick´s last blog ..Being mysterious is overrated
@Eduard: I agree!
Hi Stacey. Nice post. I know some women who “Spend money on him. *Beer* and dine him! and even buy him toys like PSP, iPod, etc. LOL. We definitely gotta stop the stereotyping.
Mighty´s last blog ..The Developing Leader’s Guide to Structure, Hierarchy and Organizational Culture
@Mighty: Wow, can you introduce me to her? ahhaha
I can totally tell that this was written from a girl… just kidding Stacey.
Nice post. Yeah, I used to think that males and females were different from each other, but when you get into a relationship, you realize that females can be just as nasty as men; if not, even more so. Hehe. Thanks for sharing Ken.
Hulbert´s last blog ..Are You Hungry Enough for It? – 5 Questions to Ask Yourself
@Hulbert: Yup, sometimes things change when one gets into relationships, but not all the time
I’ll tell you that in China here, some of the women I’ve met fit the male stereotype. They just want to have lots of sex and change guys. It’s amazing that in conservative China, at least in the bigger cities, you now have this.
Gordie´s last blog ..Six Things You Should Do Daily To Succeed.
@Gordie: That’s really interesting. I wonder if that’s just the beginning of the young generation breaking the mold of their previous society.
Hey I like the beer part.
Kidding aside we have to understand that the disparities between man and women are dictated by nature. If man is affectionate enough, firmness would be jeopardized. If women are firm enough, they would loose sensitivity. We are created as so to keep the balance.
Of course I am limiting this explanation of the physical level. If we are wise enough to see ourselves beyond our physical form, we will see that we can be both.
Nice post Stacey. I love “show up naked with beer.” I have to say that if some girl did that for me, I’d be in love
. Just kidding. You make some great points and hopefully we’ll all be able to understand the opposite sex a bit better.
Good post…
Initially I hadn’t bought into the whole men and women are completely different mindset, and then I read Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus book. That book seemed to make sense to some extent and even described men and women as being a part of different species – thus potential communication issues. Have you read that book and if so what are your thoughts? How does it fit into your article here (if at all)? Other books also discuss the male/female differences such as Re-Imagine by Tom Peters.
Sorry for the complicated questions but this article was thought-provoking!